


out of ruins

by QueenOfSkaro



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, After Smaug left for Lake Town, Angst, Guilt, Kili threatening his uncle, Lots of Angst until the end, M/M, Reunion, but happy end, fluff there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2474018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfSkaro/pseuds/QueenOfSkaro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bofur was dead, he knew it, because he saw Lake Town smoking in the distance and there was no way, no way at all<br/>that his dwarf - not his, of course, because he wasn't and would never be now - the dwarf survived that, not to<br/>mention the others and it was all Bilbos fault. </p><p> </p><p>Have a look inside Bilbos head after Smaug left for Lake Town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	out of ruins

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for a prompt on HKM.  
> I wrote it from Bilbos perspective, but I plan to make another chapter sometime  
> from Bofurs POV.
> 
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/11476.html?thread=22836692#t22836692

The dragon left the day before and the silence lay heavy over their company, everyone huddled together in little groups to stay warm in the old guard house were they looked for refuge. It was cold and windy and nothing they did seemed to make them any warmer - or maybe that was just Bilbo, shivering in his little corner all by himself, knees drawn up and face hidden, hands under his armpits and trying to be as silent as possible, because it wasn't healthy to agitate anyone now, he knew that much.

Maybe the dragon was gone now, but they had failed nonetheless, because he was sure to come back and until then he would have killed every living soul in Lake Town and maybe even Mirkwood, just to gloat about it the moment he came back. And it was all his fault. You just didn't go and anger a dragon, laugh them in the face and try to steal from them and it was his fault alone that they were all dead, that there was a rampant dragon now breathing fire on a whole town of innocents - on Kili and Fili, Oin and Bard and the children and on - he had to bite back a sob, dry as it was, because he had cried the whole night while everyone else was trying to sleep.

It was his fault and there would never be a way to make it alright again, it was beyond remedy and it was his doing they were dead. And the rest of their company would soon follow, because Smaug would be back and then he would eat them or roast them or maybe he wouldn't - he was a dragon, he had all the time in the world and maybe it was more fun for him to just see them starving and thirsty and half mad with grief over their lost friends.

And he never had the chance to tell him. Had never even hinted at it, because he was sure it wasn't anything the other would want to be burdened with - but now, oh how Bilbo wished he had just uttered a word, just to know that the other knew about it as he died. But that wouldn't have been fair, would it? It was just something he wished for himself and he sure didn't deserve any act of kindness anymore - he failed so bad that he brought death and evil over all of Middle Earth and no one could tell him otherwise. He still had the smoking remnants of Lake Town before his eyes that he saw as he looked out of the window for just a second. Bombur had looked absolutely horrified at the noise he made at that moment and had took his arm and led him away. The hobbit asked himself how the other could still be so nice to him after he just killed his brother, his - no, not his anything, because he never deserved that and this time the sob broke free, an ugly guttural wretched thing that broke off halfway through and seemed to strangle him from within. 

There was a tap on his shoulder, hard enough to hurt but he wouldn't complain about it. He looked up with bloodshot, miserable eyes and saw Bifur kneeling infront of him, waterskin in hand and a prompting look on his scarred face. Bilbo shook his head - he didn't want to drink, they didn't have much anymore, having lost most of their supplies to the dragon, but Bifur was insistent and just cupped a hobbit cheek in his hand and forced a little water down his parched throat. He did his best not to splutter it all out again, because that would have just been a waste, but he didn't stop the glare that stole itself onto his face. The axe-headed dwarf just threw him a wry grin, patted his locks and went back to Bombur, who sent him worried looks over his shoulder. Bilbo didn't deserve any of that care, so he just went back to hiding in his knees and tried to control his breathing. It wouldn't do to panic now, even if the guilt tried to claw its way out of the deepest pits of his chest and it wouldn't take much more for it to make him a bloody mess, ripped open and throbbing and he shivered with his whole body.

It was all his fault and he deserved every second of it. 

 

It was getting dark again, another day over and still an unknown number to go before the dragon came back from his killing spree, something Bilbo angered him into and he just wished he could have died instead of all those innocents. He thought about little Tilda, who just barely grazed his chin and her sister Sigrid and her brother Bain, about their father and neighbours and a second he even thought about Thranduil and his kingdom, but his thoughts soon spiraled back to where they rested most of the time.

Injured Kili, still trying to appease them that he was alright, even if he was shot with an orc arrow, the poison already working its way into his blood and not even the gushing wound could bleed it clean.  
His brother Fili, strong and reliable and going against even his uncle to stay with his brother, because even if he was more than willing to just carry Kili Thorin wouldn't hear any of it and just left them in Lake Town. To die, because Bilbo failed and couldn't hold his tongue and pissed off a fucking dragon big enough to build towns on!  
Oin was there too and he thought about all the times the old dwarf just sat at the fire without a care in the world, looking through his stock of herbs and tinctures and not even bothering to try to follow the conversations around him. The hobbit thought about the few times they yelled at each other to talk about herbs and their uses, until Thorin cut them off with a sharp word and they would fall silent again, because Bilbo couldn't speak Iglishmek and thus couldn't communicate with Oin without waking a whole forest.

And then, of course he was thinking about him again, because he just couldn't seem to stop, there was Bofur. He could still see him smiling, so bright that you just didn't stood a chance to continue being moody even if it was all you wanted right then. He would smile and you just had to smile back, because everything else would simply be an insult - and a brilliant smile it was, too. The first thing Bilbo fell in love with, he was sure. Close second was that dratted hat, even if he would never tell anyone. Not that - you know. There wasn't anyone to tell anymore. 

There was a rumble somewhere down the steps where the guard house stood atop and every dwarf had weapons in hand a few seconds later, Bilbo just bothering to slowly stand up. His sword wouldn't do him any good and he was almost glad that the waiting was over, if he had to be honest. The dragon was back and would kill them and his adventure would be over.

The silence was tense, thick enough you had to hack through as they all stared at the big doors down the stairs, trying to decide on the next possible step. It wasn't as if it would do them any good to stay in hiding - or to start a fight, either, really - but his companions were dwarfs and as thus would never go down without making a stand - they weren't like Bilbo, who just wanted to curl up and die.

Another noise drifted up and they all strained to hear what it was, how far it was still away and if the hobbit wasn't mistaken - but no, the others hadn't noticed anything, so he just had to be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. But as the noise came again, nearer this time - and the dwarfs grew tense at that- he was almost, almost certain it wasn't the dragon. It sure as hell sounded like -

 _"Uncle!"_ he heard it, now clear enough to be sure and even the others now wavered a little, but they all looked awfully unsure. _"Uncle! I swear, if you died and I had to get all this fucking stairs up I will take your body and bury it in a forest on a fucking clearing with lots of moonlight and fireflies and fresh fucking flowers!"_

That was Kili. It was definitely and unmistakenly Kili and Bilbo staggered, having to hold himself up on a dusty windowsill.  
"Good idea, lad. That's something he'll come back for even from the dead, that stubborn ass of your uncles!", boomed another voice and Gloin grunted something unflattering in his beard, but the hobbit was almost sure there were tears in the warriors eyes.  
"Of course he will, just to take you over the knee and spank you for all the world to see, including your tall elvish lass.", a third voice, lower than the others but still clear enough for Bilbo to hear. The golden prince was alright too, was alive and well enough to tease his little brother and now there was movement in the guards house, because everyone just threw there weapons down and descended the stairs in a flurry, having to see for themselves that their friends were really still among the living. 

The doors opened at last, the company halfway down and Bilbo still hanging on the windowsill and there they were, all healthy and whole and even if Kili looked still a little pale and was limping a bit, he seemed almost back to normal, bright grin on his face and as soon as was possible his arms around his uncles neck, who catched him and drew Fili in too, not bothering who might see. Oin was being assaulted by Gloin and Balin and Dori and even Bombur and Bifur had someone to hug and welcome back. 

Because there he was, a little singed but still smiling so brightly that it almost hurt the little hobbits eyes and he was crying again as their eyes met over the rest of the company, Bofurs grin widening even more as he freed himself from his cousin and stepped through the other dwarfs, not bothering more than a pat on the shoulder here or there, eyes never leaving the hobbit. 

Nothing could hold him back now anymore and Bilbo sprinted down the stairs, leaping down several steps at once and in hindsight it was probably a fucking miracle that he didn't just fall, but what did he care for that as Bofur came toward him, taking two steps at a time and then at last, after all his crying and the guilt he felt - still did, but he was selfish enough to be oh so happy that this one dwarf was still alive, was still with him, that he could forget it for a second - he felt strong arms catch him mid-leap, twirling him around dangerously and he was clinging to him, fisting a small hand into the worn cloak and another gripping one loosening pigtail and then he didn't think, didn't want to ever think again because they were kissing and even if he had no idea who started it it was still perfect, because his Bofur was alive and well and they were kissing. 

It didn't last nearly long enough in Bilbos opinion before they had to separate again, both breathing heavily and deaf to the obscene catcalls from down the stairs, just staring at each other, a little astounded, but definitely happy. The dwarf leant forward and pecked him again, innocent and so lovingly that Bilbo could do nothing else than to melt a little more into the others arms. 

"We were sure ye all died. As the dragon came we thought ye woke him and he killed ye.", Bofur said, voice broken and full of despair, but he pecked the hobbit again and again and calmed down again.  
"I thought I killed you. I thought the dragon killed you all and it was my fault that he left in the first place and I'm so sorry, so so sorry and I swear I'll do - ", the smaller being started, trying to lessen his guilt and beg for forgiveness, but he just got another kiss, this one hard and firm.  
"Nothing is yer fault, silly. We knew the risk, didn't we? It wasn't yer doing. And we're all alive. Most of Lake Town too and Bard killed Smaug, so everythings fine, isn't it? Stop it and kiss me again, love." 

That grin was still as irresistible as before, even with a little mustache missing, Bilbo noted now and while he maybe couldn't stop crying, his tears weren't all that sad anymore. Mostly disbelieving and carefully happy, but he decided not to ponder on it for once, to just enjoy what he had and hold on as tight as he possibly could, because he didn't know how long it would last. So, deciding to ask his questions about the dragon later, about all the victims of his doings and about Bard and his children, he just did as he was told, for once. 

He leant forward and kissed him as hard as he could, letting him feel every desperate second lived since they parted ways in Lake Town and his crushing relief to be able to be in the others arms, to be welcomed somewhere he never bothered to hope too much to some time be wanted. 

He was were he belonged and he would like to see the beast that tried to take him away again. 


End file.
